i once called jason turner a liar because he told me he could fly. Based on my limited understanding of "science" I know that only tibetan monks and magicians can fly.

This was the last time I ever doubted jason turner. He shed all of his clothes as I stood on the corner of 17th and locust, watching in horror / lust as he yet again took off his clothes to prove a point. He clenched his entire body, and doubled over, as if trying to squeeze out that last turtle head from his glorious hole, as sparks slowly begin firing from his anus on to the sidewalk. there were screams from women pushing baby carriages, as Jason turners sparking asshole began to propel him into the air. He raised his hands above his head as if preparing to dive, and ascended to the sky. His flacid genitals flapped to and fro- like and asparagus that had been cooked for too long, as he looked down and laughed from above.

I then called the government to try and get him captured and tested on (national security), but I forgot the number.