it bothers me that jason turner never has to try for anything.

it's as if the world owes him some cosmic debt- that is perpetually being paid off in the good fortune that comes to him as easily as hardships to a fatty.

we were once in the library together doing a crossword when it began to storm outside- right as the librarian was making us leave because jason turner wasn't wearing any pants and suggestively grabbing his noodle at younger boys playing by the puppet theater. I grabbed a handful of papers and shielded myself in preparation for the torrential downpour. jason glanced at me with a wry grin, and walked into the storm. The clouds spread wide like a great vagina, and the rain stopped falling as soon as he walked to where he would have once been soaked.

Then 6 birds carrying stacks of 100$ bills dropped their cargo into jason turners outstretched arms as a rainbow formed from the mist.

he is second only to tiger woods in my book of heroes. and if he tries to steal my book of heroes again, i am going to kick his fucking ass.